Monday, May 29, 2006

Who, me? Overwhelmed? Nah.

Thank you all so, so much for your well-wishes and prayers. Just when I start to feel lonely in my everyday life, you guys all remind me what a beautiful family I have all over the world! Thanks for being excited with and for us.

Quick pregnancy update: everything's going really well. I am a little over five weeks, and while I have many other symptoms, nausea hasn't thus far been one of them, beyond some slight queasiness! YAY! We are going to hear from the doctor tomorrow about my third beta number (that's the amount of hcg, the "pregnancy hormone," in my blood). Doctors look for the results from each blood draw to double, at least; this shows that the pregnancy is progressing normally. My first number, from last Monday's test, was 194, and the second--taken on Wednesday--was 691! (Yeah, it more than tripled. Yeah, we were happy!) We're expecting another encouraging number tomorrow. Praise the LORD!

I am starting to have to deal with many issues that I never let myself think about before. I called them my "bridge" issues: ways of giving birth, ways of co-sleeping, vaccinations, etc. They're "bridge" issues because I knew there was no point in thinking about them until I was actually pregnant, and it was difficult emotionally to ponder them, anyway, so I'd just "cross that bridge when I got there."

Well, here I am.

One of the things that was immediately impressed upon my heart is the great degree to which I will need to rely on the Lord every day, day by day, in order to keep my sanity. I probably mean that literally! When you think about a child, about all of the responsibilities involved, it's overwhelming:

Will I stink as a homeschooler?

What if I can't remember how to do long division? I know I can't remember the Order of Operations!

What about discipline? Will I put my money where my mouth has been?

How are we going to afford this? I have $15 in my UPromise account! That won't buy one college book!

You can see where I am going with this.

I quoted Jesus in my last post: "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

You know the little expository tool: What's the therefore there for? Jesus says that if we seek the Kingdom and the righteousness of God before all else, then what we need will be provided for us in Him--therefore, we won't have to worry about tomorrow, because we can trust in His guidance and provision, our daily bread for that particular day.

And that's good enough for me. I'm so glad to be able to share my anxieties, hopes and fears with the only One who can do anything about them!

Friday, May 26, 2006

My Best Post Ever. EVER.

Do you guys remember this post? The one about deferred dreams? In it, I wrote:

It's still the desire of my heart, and yes, I believe it's a godly one. And honestly, I do think He will grant it....I do think God will make me a mother, somehow, someday.

I am happy to announce that Ryan and I are expecting a child on January 27, 2007.

Actually, happy doesn't begin to describe it! Let's see if I can do better.

I am ecstatic, terrified, amazed, flummoxed, and almost too dern speechless to announce that Ryan and I are expecting a child on January 27, 2007.

Please, please pray for us. You can probably imagine the struggle we're having not to worry after a five-year waiting time! But you know what Jesus said?

Matthew 6:25,27
Do not worry about your life....Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

Sounds like a command to me, so there must be a way to get through this without worrying. I have a feeling it's all wrapped up in that whole "dying daily to self" thing. My focus must be on the right Person, the right things:

Matthew 6:33-34
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.

I can hardly believe what a miracle this is. This pregnancy is totally unexpected; we weren't pursuing treatments yet. In fact--and I see this as a wonderful testimony--we were scheduled to begin tests next month. It has been my dream since going off the Pill that the Lord would let us spontaneously conceive.

Truly, the work of His hands is marvelous in my eyes.

Little one, I can't wait to meet you.

Psalm 139:13-14
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.