Thursday, June 28, 2007

I think I am ready to come back

After a long absence, I think I am ready to start posting again.

It's been a crazy five months--heck, a crazy year!--and I've been going through a bit of a tough time since Noah's birth. For a long time I felt emotionally paralyzed and unable to communicate, especially in writing (even if I'd had the time, which I didn't).

I knew even while I was going through it that I was experiencing postpartum depression, or something very close to it. I started to emerge a couple of months ago and have been getting steadily better since then. I didn't have to go on any medication, and I'm thankful for that.

I've changed in ways I can't even explain at this point. The utter despair and helplessness I felt after Noah's birth (combined, of course, with joy and wonder) made me feel like I am back at square one when it comes to some things I used to hold strong opinions about.

Opinions about motherhood and parenting really don't mean squat until you are one--unless it's something straight from the Word. If it's not straight from the Word, there's room for families to be different. You could sum up my thoughts this way: "Gee, God, I just found out that I don't know anything." I didn't realize I had become arrogant and overly opinionated--but I had. You name something, I probably had an opinion about how it should best be done.

I'd like to say I am out of the pundit business, but that's probably not true. Heh.

This blog might be pretty choppy from now on. I don't have the time I did before. But it's good just to post...just to put something out there and try to remember that I have a voice, I have a little family out here, and I am not alone in my new journey.