Friday, September 23, 2005

Update, by Request

Amy the Humble graciously asked me for an update on how everything's been going since the move. I have a really bad habit of assuming that people somehow are wired into my consciousness and just know everything that's been happening and how I feel about it. Yeah...weird. I also always assume that someone driving me home for the first time somehow just knows where my house is. Anyway.

I can't remember what I've already told you, so forgive me if I repeat myself!

We're finally settled in Athens, GA. Ryan and I both don't have ANY DESIRE to move ANYWHERE for a long, long time, unless the Lord wills it. The only place I'd like to move is into a home! Right now, though, we're renting a place (almost twice as large as our CA apartment, ahem) near downtown. It would be the perfect location if there were a grocery store in walking distance, as that's currently the only reason we have to start up our car. Both of our jobs, as well as entertainment and dining, are a short walk downtown or to North Campus.

We haven't found a "church home," and I don't know what's going to happen on that front. We do have some Christian friends around here, so we're not totally fellowship-less.

Church is a subject I usually don't like to talk about with Christians, because most of them won't understand where I am coming from. Ryan and I are very disillusioned with institutional churches (Churchianity, I call it)--with the buildings, programs, parachurch entities, and most importantly, teachings that we don't see reflected anywhere in the Bible's pages. We have talked about starting a Bible study and having a home group/homechurch. I don't know what is going to happen.

To clarify: we aren't looking for the "perfect" fellowship. Just a group with whom we can help make disciples and where we can serve without feeling like we're compromising most of our beliefs.

I love my job here. I have a wonderful corner office to myself where I can see the students walking to class and look at the gargantuan North Campus oaks and maples. The team I work with is truly top-notch; I respect them and look forward to coming to work.

Spiritually, I've got to be honest with you--it's been a really tough, dry, numb season for me. It's my own fault, as I was telling Rachel the other day. I've been really slack on Bible study and prayer, and boyohboy, nothing will make you drier than the Sahara faster than that.

I've been realizing (again) how amazing His love is. That I am deserving of NOTHING; that I never did deserve anything, and yet He loved and loves me! What an ingrate I am! I've been doing my own thing, ignoring duty and relationship; hurting, but not willing to bandage the wound.

I've cried out to Him and feel His Spirit working in me, but I can't give you a sunny, false update that glosses over my pain, my foibles, and my need for God. The honest truth is that I am a woman in need of the Living God. Every day.