Ten Not-So-Dark Secrets about Me (Okay, Some Are a Little Dark)

I've prepared myself for the embarrassment to follow. I saw this over at Rachel's.

1. I like smooth jazz. Ugh—even the term is embarrassing. But it’s true: I’ve liked Grover Washington, Jr., for a long time. Michael McDonald stands forgiven in my sight for all the bad R&B reprises. (Michael, if you’re reading this, please go back to your Steely Dan backup roots! Go back to “What a Fool Believes!”). I like “Stone Groove” by Boney James and Joe Sample. When I was in LA I listened to “The Wave.” I confess!

2. I drive a truck. For some reason this surprises people. Ford: Like a ROCK!

3. I really, really like girl things. If there weren’t more pressing and important tasks at hand in life, I could watch makeover shows, shop, and examine shoes until the cows come home. Fortunately, though, the Lord has given me better things to do. Most of the time. He made me a woman, and it is good.

4. I skipped school regularly in high school. One time my best friend Meg and I drove (in my car) to my house, where we planned to hang out while my parents were at work. The garage door opened…and there was my father, standing by his car. I thought I was B-U-S-T-E-D, but why not go for the gold? “Dad,” I gulped, “Mme Porto [my French teacher] sent us home to get our field trip money. Today is the last day we can turn it in.” Yep, total lie. Dad bought it, and Meg and I went to the mall with my newfound riches. (Yes, I have already confessed this to Mom and Dad.)

5. The only instrument I can play is the piano. The only song I can play is “Mary Had a Little Lamb.” Unless you count the kazoo. I have an amazing repertoire for the kazoo.

6. I once sent my photo and a letter to River Phoenix.

7. This one’s for Rachel: I say “ouch” when I step on other people’s feet. Yeah...it’s happened more than once.

8. As a senior in high school I took several AP classes. After my AP Biology test, Meg, our friend Heather and I stole my father’s Wild Turkey whiskey and drank probably a thimbleful each (it was NASTY) to “celebrate.” To make it look like none was gone, I filled the bottle back to the top with water. (Yes, Dad knew. He told me that a lot later, though.)

9. I was absent when everyone learned how to tell time in second grade. Let’s just say I prefer digital watches.

10. I am a pretty classic klutz. I am constantly stumbling over something, dropping food on myself, you name it.

Hmmm...many of these are from my high school era. Guess I don't have many secrets anymore.