Friday, May 30, 2008

Making the Impossible Possible

So, I am going back to work.

Once upon a time, even the thought of having to do that struck terror in my heart. I always said that my child would never go to a daycare and assumed I'd be able to stay home. My vision for family life did not include my working.

The reality of my situation, though--financially, mostly--slowly changed my mind over the course of many months. My Ideal and my Real weren't lining up.

The honest truth? I am torn, but not despondent. I'm at peace. And I am really surprised to feel that way.

Sure, a part of me wants to be with Noah all the time--every minute of the day. I treasure every word he says and every cute smile. A part of me is pained to think that I would miss even one of them.

But another part of me is glad to get some quiet time during the day, to have some time to work out, to be around other adults. Sallie at A Quiet, Simple Life was just mentioning that she is an introvert with an extrovert child (great post). Noah is just the same way! He loves people, loves other children. I think he's going to adapt really well to the daycare I have chosen for him. It's so hard to get my mind out of the "daycare is the devil" mindset, but the truth is that it's just not. (Kind of like Angela's post about public school.) The truth is that I have had sixteen months alone with my boy, and that's so much more than many moms get. I've had many months to heal from crippling PPD. God has been so gracious to me and has given me the time I needed (and that Noah needed). I think we are both going to be okay in this next step.