Monday, May 09, 2005

What You Wish You'd Known

Karen has a hilarious post, marking her 30th anniversary, about what she wishes she'd known about being married.

A snippet:

"Husbands like to fix things, stuff in the house as well as stuff in my life. If I had wanted someone to commiserate with me about feeling fat or having a bad hair day, I should have kept my college roommate. A husband will never take you to Baskin-Robbins to listen to you drown your cellulite troubles in a triple dip Rocky Road sugar cone. Husbands do not understand that your bad hair can be fixed by browsing through Nordstrom's online shoe department."

Let's just say I can identify. I wonder how long it took Karen to figure this out...because it took me a long time. I think I am a slow learner relationally. I concur with her: wives should not attempt to plug husbands into the "girlfriend" outlet. I can't count the number of times I have said or thought, "But I just wanted to TALK about it! I'm not looking for a SOLUTION!" To which, if I actually said that, Ryan replies, "Why did you bring it up if you don't want to solve it?" That's what I get for marrying a smart, frank, matter-of-fact engineer. He is a problem solver. TIMES TEN.

But, you know, sometimes you just need to talk without being given a solution for a problem that a) is not fixable, b) isn't a problem, really, but you're dealing with PMS crankiness, or c) you already know the answer to but JUST WANT TO TALK IT OUT.

If someone had informed me that all (okaaaaay, most) men are problem-solvers, and if you just want to talk you'd better call mama or your best friend, it would have saved me a lot of confusion, and Ryan a lot of frustration (poor guy--I mean, it does make sense that someone would want a problem solved. Women are illogical in this area, I'll readily admit).

What do you wish someone had told you before marriage?

(NB: I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Karen's post on women bloggers, which she wrote in response to the issue several of us discussed recently. I found her perspective interesting.)